Viva Lost Wages!
by Balin Lord of Moria
Summary: Larry Laffer elaborates on the "sinful virtues" of the city of Lost Wages from LSL1, the Leisure Suit Larry equivalent of Las Vegas. What a town! Rated M for suggestive themes.


**_Viva Lost Wages!_**

* * *

I, Larry Laffer, recommend that anyone looking for a good time should come down to Lost Wages, Nevada. It's the new gaming capital of the world, and Las Vegas' biggest rival. I wager that despite the name, any people can get lucky here, because everybody who lives in Lost Wages or visits it wants one thing, and that's the right woman (or man) to live with, along with a nice, deluxe hotel room to get acquainted with each other in and a casino to play dice with the universe in.

This is not a place for children, though some of the hotels have accommodations for children and families if they have no choice but to cater to them. Lost Wages is where people come to come with each other (pun intended) in privacy, adore each other's company at the same time, and have a few drinks to loosen up a little. The city caters to all kinds of different activities and desires; there are Quiki-Mart convenience stores where people can be stimulated by alluring magazines and cheap wine, as well as get condoms, jelly, and birth control pills for the sake of safe sex. Next to one of the Quiki-Marts, there's a disco club, albeit a private one requiring membership to enter, to dance and enjoy your time with your date on the floor or at a table. There are also seedy bars and lounges throughout the city; I encountered one rather dirty lounge called "Lefty's" in one dark neighborhood, but the place was a mess, especially in the bathroom, and the patrons, as well as Lefty himself, are unspeakably ugly. I'd suggest people avoid Lefty's and try to find a cleaner and friendlier bar.

Most of all, though, Lost Wages is known for its nature-spoiling casino hotels. So much desert and the occasional plants and animals were destroyed to set up these purveyors of paradise, and the mayor couldn't be prouder. And each casino hotel has a cheap but colorful Quiki-Wed chapel attached to it, to give the lucky couples a union in holy matrimony, though at one chapel I visited, the minister was drinking on the job, something I thought ministers and priests weren't supposed to do.

The casino hotels bear some resemblance to the hotel casinos in Las Vegas, though they have their differences, too. Tropicore Casino & Hotel has the feel of an island paradise like that on the late Dr. Nonookee's island and the one the natives my former wife, Kalalau, belonged to, lived on, sparing no expense with its swim-up Blackjack, Mini-Baccarat, and Roulette tables and it's island-themed hotel rooms. Why, it even has a real volcano in the back, though a very small one, so as not to destroy the Tropicore or the surrounding area. The Ryo Casino/Hotel has a good, sexy Japanese atmosphere, complete with the best saunas, salons, Japanese baths, and massages, plus a magic show by Pencil & Packer that makes me laugh every time I see it. And there's the Love Tub Bay Casino/Hotel, which the USS Love Tub was named after. It's complete with a synthetic beachfront, beachside Roulette and Craps, the best casino in the city, more or less, with all the classic games, including Poker, Let it Ride, and sports betting, and a 2 million gallon Ray Reef, with stingrays, manta rays, lovely jellyfish, and sea snakes swimming in full view for the viewer's pleasure.

Of course, my tale about the highlights of Lost Wages wouldn't be complete without the Tramp's Casino/Hotel, a place I had the pleasure of frequenting myself. While smaller and less spectacular than some of the other hotels and casinos, it has a beautiful view of a genuine maple tree forest, modestly good Slots, good Blackjack tables, other games, seven floors of hotel rooms plus the penthouse, (oh, the penthouse,) and a cabaret lounge where scantily-clad showgirls and lame-brain comedians perform for your pleasure.

Again, unlike Las Vegas, this is _not_ a place for children or families with children, so I'd advise that couples with kids find somebody to take care of them before coming here. But if you're looking for a nice, relaxing place to get down and dirty with your dream girl (or boy), or you want to either get rich or bankrupt at the casino games, or even if you just want to get drunk at one of the lounges, by all means, come down to Lost Wages, or Sin City 2. It made me lucky once, albeit temporarily; it could do the same for you.


End file.
